Love when I wake up after a good week and the crippling depression hits like a truck
Some people just have the look of growing up to be a cop or adjacent things. I can’t explain this phenomenon but it is a feeling
I would love to stop having nightmares please and thank you
This is what happens when I open my phone
Gender for the day is a person who is failing at being a woman. Perhaps that is the gender for the year too
Upsetting habits
No more surprises
Alcohol hasn’t been making me feel like ending my life anymore, I consider that progress
Grown out nails, tunnel vision, and other signs
All the money (and narcissism) in the world can’t buy (or seek approval for) good taste
Need to makeout with a hot lesbian and then disappear off the face of the earth
Extremely disconcerting that the stinging pain feels good right now
Yesterday I about had a meltdown due to the fire alarm. Realizing there are still things my brain/body can't handle is disheartening
Need to get back into some habits, and build some new ones. Need to keep better track of things too. Need to just write it down regardless if its poetic or positive (or neutral even). Depression is the killer of everything, maybe if I keep track of it better I will feel better in the process
Big sigh...
I told her I have sex like I am a sixteen year old boy. She didn't hesitate to agree with me. I might be in love with her
"Life without risk is a life unlived"
God I need to get out of here I can’t do this anymore
You know things have gotten better when you can watch yourself jerk off in a mirror and you don’t feel disgusted by your own appearance
Bad habits are coming back again, can we not do that?
There's been a lack of energy lately. Change is tiring.
Phases of, well, you know
Burnout
We've gotta break the obsession I cannot do this again
I need a haircut so bad
I feel like I have reverted back to my teenage years where I sit in my dirty room, feel the weight of anxiety on my head, leave sweat stains on my clothes, and think about masturbating while scrolling through a random webpage. I think finding a vacuum will help to solve this problem.
Maybe 2 spoons, or something
The fact I get closer and closer to being a real adult with real adult responsibilities is both encouraging and terrifying. Encouraging, as I’ll have more personal agency with how and who I want to be. Terrifying, because I’ll have to come face to face with the cruel injustices of the world and I can no longer just bury my head under the sand about it.
Fuck him (plural and universal statement)
The aftereffects of drugs/alcohol is actually the best part of doing them tbh. I feel a wave of calm, like the intensity of the world is no longer within me
You can never escape, NEVER ESCAPE
Having the thing where I’m lonely, but too tired and busy to do anything about it…
I swear if I hear another absolutely grim and horrifying thing from anyone I'm going to actually buy a rock and live under it
I don’t want to interact with another human being physically or virtually for the next 5 days
My energy to put up with assholes and their stupid nonsense is running so thin
LOSE AMBITION
I'm still incredibly scared of him. That pit in my stomach that he burned will never, ever go away.
God I want this to be over already…
My life is one massive email that never seems to stop sending itself. I'm like the "I Love You" virus but more annoying than dangerous
Seasonal depression
Just had the worst sleep in a long time last night...
Been dreaming about my cat recently. I have been missing her a lot...
Time for bed, if I think anymore I will start screaming
I don’t wish to admit it, but I don’t get a great feeling from his friends. Perhaps it’s simply because I’m a lot different than they are, or they’re just a lot more talkative than me, but I never feel truly comfortable around any of them. The only person I liked in his friend group has since left, so talking to her isn’t really possible.
I know I’m just being sensitive for no legitimate reason, but they all kinda disturb something within me that I don’t particularly like.
Brain feels particularly gelatinous today
Broke up with Naturalism, currently in a fwb situationship with Decadence
Got the sleepies ZzZzZz
HIT AND RUN HIT AND RUN
Currently experiencing the "Thought Paradox"
I find it so strange that having vivid dreams can make you feel unrested when you wake up in the morning. I mean, usually it’s due to a bad dream, but not always. I also hate that it happens during nights I’m having trouble sleeping as is.
I am the housewife
I’ve never wanted to do that so badly since I was on Zoloft… I am extremely unwell actually
It's been a blue few days. It's clear that I'm not doing enough to get me out of this depression
Silly fellow, silly fellow is against me!
Do it scared
They call that “relapsing” unfortunately…
Spinning my wheels
Pretentiousness
Liminal space in my own home
God I can't stand the humidity making my room feel like a goddamn sauna. Everything feels so close it's awful
They’re so heavy
god I fucking love gay people
Had a dream about them and now I am incredibly touch starved again
Annoyance
overheating
I want to be on T so bad
I’m lonely, yet the thought of hanging out with someone makes me so nauseous
Ok that made me really irritable
Was looking at old nudes of mine from 2-3 years ago and noticed how much more confidence I have now than I did then. It’s so clear I was trying to be something I’m not, and it makes me feel really good to see how much I’ve grown in accepting my gender identity and other internal/external strangeness.
I’ve genuinely haven’t felt this positively productive about something in a while
I honestly am so frustrated at the fact that I can’t trust my feelings with anyone. Any emotion or complex thought process I have about a person suddenly turns into me thinking I’m asking too much or I’m being obsessive, therefore I don’t have the ability to act rationally.
It doesn’t help that people I was once close with have talked shit behind my back claiming that I act that way…
Falling down holes again
My 15 year old cat has loved me more than any other living organism out there
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